How many times have you heard that you need to lower your expectations? Whether it is with relationships, career, dreams, etc. the advice for women always seems to be the same. We are taught to play small. Do not come off as too confident. Do not be too smart. Though I have not yet heard anything about being too pretty. In fact, there seems to be ample sources directing us on how simple it is to achieve an unachievable standard of beauty. But I digress. That is another thought for another day.
I was taught from a young age to have “realistic” expectations. Realistic to whom? That is a good question. Everything I aspired to was shot down by those nearest and dearest to me. I was taught, without the words ever being said, that I was not good enough and I would need to settle for less than what I desired. With that kind of support there was no wonder I ended up in crappy jobs and crappy relationships using alcohol to alleviate the mediocrity that had subdued my once vivid world.
I read an article not too long ago that said women who “appear” high maintenance are less likely to be approached by men. I read it twice thinking I had misread it and then ended up in a fit of laughter. My question to you is why are women always the ones in need of lowering expectations? Does anyone remember the 90s film Singles? The one where the woman goes from having a list of expectations for a suitable mate to ending up with only wanting him to bless her when she sneezes. It was funny until I realized it was dead accurate. Why are men not asked to better themselves so they will be actually worthy of us? And why is the assumption we are asking for too much when we simply want another who is at an equal level, willing to put in an equal amount into our relationship?
Expectations are a very personal. No one besides our own selves has the right to set those standards. NO ONE. I have seen one too many brilliant women settle for demeaning careers and mediocre relationships. Whenever we question our unhappiness the same response echoes out from the choir, our expectations are too high. What kind of shit is that? Be friendly but not too friendly. Wear makeup but not too much. Appear intelligent but not more than those around you. And above all, always remember to smile. I don’t know about you but I do not feel like playing a game with rules someone else made up ages ago. I am done playing small and hiding my quirky, loving, creative self. I am done worrying that I will be alone if I expect too much. I am through believing I have to had a job I despise. I am going back to the expectations I once had before my spirit was broken by a world of unhappy adults. I am going to believe in what I want and settle for nothing less. Let’s see what happens.