Spinster, a derogatory term used specifically for an unmarried woman of a certain age. An outdated term that does not stop it from being used. The thing that stands out to me is how this term suggests that the woman is unwanted or deemed undesirable for marriage. Never does it suppose the decision to remain single is the woman’s. There are many terms used to demean women. Terms such as spinster, crazy cat lady, cougar have no male equivalent. When a man does not marry, lives alone with a pet, or dates someone younger he is simply a man. All decisions are his alone. Women are still sitting off to the side waiting to be picked, to be deemed worthy in the eyes of others.
I am an unmarried woman in her mid 40s. I am not currently dating, by choice. I no longer experience a pressure to find a significant other. Online dating has only reinforced my decision to be remain single. Some years ago I realized I was surrounded by emotionally unavailable men. There were lovers, boyfriends, unknowns, and unclassifiables. All of them shared the similar gift to see exactly what was wrong with me and what I needed to “fix” to be worthy of them. It was after one break up where I found myself crying not due to the loss of the relationship but due to the fact that I did not even like the person. It was then and there I decided to step away from all those relationships to find out who I truly was on my own. I wanted to know what I liked, wanted, needed and not the illusion I was trying to portray to the world.
I expected six months would be enough time to find myself. It took a tad bit longer and now I realize it is a never ending process as we are always evolving. I am not against dating or marriage. I am only tired of it being the main focus for women in our culture. Being on my own I have come to realize I actually like it…a lot. I have done so many things I would never have if I had been in a relationship. Even simply going out to dinner alone still feels revolutionary. I have learned to pamper myself, to listen to my heart, and to take chances.
This blog is about that space between relationships. That magical time when we find ourselves on our own with the whole world open to us. The place where we are free to discover who we are. A time to fall in love with ourselves rather than another. This can be isolating. I want to create support for all of us out there getting our asses kicked daily and getting up for more the next day. Whether you have been on your own some time, are just starting out on this beautiful journey, or contemplating whether to take the leap does not matter. I am a beginner at blogging. I have no idea what I am doing but I have stories to tell and tips learned from my successes and failures.
Every Sunday night I will post. I will share my experiences and misadventures.This will be a celebration of women in all of our complexities. A space where we can be who we are, nothing more and nothing less. I am taking back the word Spinster to be a term for a beautiful, strong, independent woman who is searching for more than the standard life and will not settle for anything less than her wildest dreams. Welcome to my blog.